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blacker than a beggar's soul [entries|friends|calendar]
dont flatter yourself sweetheart

[ website | My Spac3 ]
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bad news travels fast [04 May 2007|11:06am]
stay strong" she said to me
if only her aim were more true
than the twisted words i've weaved
she placed her glass heart onto wet paper hands
and the rest was writen long before
in books long lost and forgotten
about traits less dormant
wispers what woke this sleeping giant
and now sweet melodys cant cast away this lurking beast
but the beauty lies in love
and how it overcomes
"stay with me" i said to her
1 ended my pain pull the trigger

lost and found [03 Apr 2007|10:18pm]
lost love. found someone new.
lost friends. fized the bridges ive burned.
lost family. made new beginings.
lost motovation. gained new inspiration.

ive been thinking a lot about my next tattoo. i think i know what i want. gotta find it though.

all for now.
pull the trigger

this is me [21 May 2006|03:33pm]
waiting for summer.
moving to castine on thursday.
living 3 hours from home the summer before i go to college.
weak? sweet? we'll see.

i miss rachel still.
a few good nights out should do away with that.
i want dana at the same time.
i hate me sometimes.
"my guts have shit for brains"
1 ended my pain pull the trigger

new england morning's sorrow [18 Dec 2005|10:25pm]
First Caffeine of the season, rough with splendor
Walking through bogged down mist, sunrise in an hour
What if it refuses?
The icy backbone chill of this moment encapsulated by droplets of dew
The drip, drip, drop of a leaky showerhead pours down your face
Drier and warmer then any sweet intentioned embrace
Lost in a trance, reverie flows like endorphins through marrow
The girl I loved yesterday, just now drowned in this fog
pull the trigger

you can grin and bare but bareing all means leaving nothing out. [12 Dec 2005|11:36am]
[ mood | determined ]

pressed lips to paper cannot print
words; they fade and smudge without
a touch when all i need are
your eyes on my lashes to feel we are
for each other. and shiver, shiver
smiling beneath a canopy of rain

pull the trigger

a long time comming [06 Dec 2005|08:43am]
but these days i can still feel you slipping through my fingers. you are liquid; calm until rattled; furious; passionate; evaporating. until the last few drops are gone i will hold close to the thought of you. i dont want to loose this forever. i need you back. i guess until then i'll just be waiting for the next rainstorm.
4 ended my pain pull the trigger

[21 May 2005|09:29am]
so ive been put on zoloft for my depression.

just thought that faggot that keeps leaving anonymous messages might wanna know. this is it for real though. sorry for the false alarm before.
1 ended my pain pull the trigger

[19 May 2005|02:35pm]
im never going to write in this again. this is my last entry

im sorry i fucked you up so bad
3 ended my pain pull the trigger

[19 May 2005|09:22am]
i lied.

i dont want this to be the end and i dont understand if thats what you need.

make me understand
pull the trigger

[18 May 2005|07:35pm]
i dont want this to be the end but i understand if thats what you need
pull the trigger

[17 May 2005|07:07pm]
this next week is gunna be hella long i can already tell.

then again... i might just kill myself so i dont know if it'll really matter.

nothing that drastic, but im willing to get in a fight. seriously. ive got some of my famous zach sawyer rage issue shit built up and i might freak out soon. today i 'accidentally' punched a hole in the door to my room. i dont know how it happened. door flew right in to my fist i swear.
pull the trigger

[17 May 2005|02:42pm]
rejected from school. YES! i feel so horrible about myself right now! exactly what i wanted!
2 ended my pain pull the trigger

It's nice to think that everything falls into place [15 May 2005|08:57pm]
[ mood | loved/lonely ]

"it's nice to think that everything falls into place
but it doesn't
so guilty
so weak
so lost without you"

poison the well - rings from corona

never before have i been so upset, but this morning you gave me relief. rachel i love you. i love you more than you'll ever know. all ive ever wanted was you. nothing more. i hope you know that. dont forget your promise.

in totally unrelated news: i need another new cd. i dont wanna listen to poison the well anymore, not because they are bad, but simply because i dont want to over listen to them so much that i get sick of their amazing music. ive been thinking about taking the cds out of my car.

pull the trigger

our new arrangement [14 May 2005|11:39pm]
[ mood | devastated ]

i dont like it and i dont wanna loose you. i cant win for loosing i guess. fuck me.

and as an aside:
has anyone else ever felt so overwhelmed by emotion it makes you physically sick to your stomach?
it happened to me tonight and i vomitted about three or four times. it didnt help.

10. Parks And What You Meant To Me

Wrap around
the white pavement feels so inviting
so lie back and gain bruises with me
it's been a long time since I've seen you from above
your still beautiful
leave here we'll start something new in our embrace
with that crash your parts into mine
intoxicate me
with your many voices
and I'll never leave you I'll never leave here
so lost inside of you till now I think we waited so long
lock your doors and close your shades
I'll never find

1 ended my pain pull the trigger

[11 May 2005|09:15pm]
things finally didnt suck today.

rachel and i had a talk. we are fine now. i love you rachel.

jeff and i should have a talk because i have somethings in need to say. it sucks but i still love you too jeffy.

i bought a sweet pair of sunglasses and "you come before you" and "opposite of december" today. im in love with poison the well.

plus it was nice out.
pull the trigger

[10 May 2005|11:03pm]
thanks for the trust 'friends'

fuck everybody. i wish i were dead.
1 ended my pain pull the trigger

[10 May 2005|10:24pm]
"looking at mist but not through it"

her love falters
i can see it now
a glorious demise to a worn through romance
who will make the first move towards the end?
who will end it all with their first move?
swift as it will be
the pain never fades
sorry i said i ever loved you
sorry you felt like you had to say it back...

had a great day... dont know why im so down all the time right now. if things are good, you should be happy... right? then what the fuck is my issue?

i miss my girlfriend. i dont see a connection.

i lied.
pull the trigger

[08 May 2005|10:51pm]
what a sweet ass weekend.

saw a lot of rachel

saw b makka

hung out with wes

bought a sword... two actually

saw kaits soccer game

made my mommy happy

damn fine weekend. thanks to all involved.
2 ended my pain pull the trigger

[07 May 2005|08:09pm]
today was sweet.

earlier some british lady called me on jeffs phone form his rugby match. it was sweet. she was uber british.

bren makka came to see me with lindsey. that was sweet. im in love with him. hes my boyfriend. deal.

rachel is babysitting me and maddie right now. i love her.bottom line... a good damn day in my book.
1 ended my pain pull the trigger

[03 May 2005|10:25am]
i dont know if its you or if its me but something isnt ok. you seem distant and bored. i seem needy and over zealous. should i slow down or should you speed up? should i take a few steps back or you a few forward? i try and am shut down. you dont try and are given all my love. maybe the key is seeming like i dont need you, like i dont want you around? but how? this sucks...

i think i was trying to write a poem, but it just ended up being me questioning my relationship. im an idoit. but honestly i dont know what the deal is lately. maybe isnt that time of the month or something. we'll see. i know she still loves me in the end so everything is fine.
pull the trigger

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